Chapter 3

Memories

Sesshoumaru gaped at the little girl, who nodded. “Sesshoumaru-sama… have you forgotten?”
“Forgotten…” He was lost, confused, couldn’t even distinguish truth from fiction. He grabbed her arm, squeezing slightly, to make certain she was real. “I don’t know” he admitted “I don’t know”
“Have you forgotten everything, Milord? Sesshoumaru-sama, have you forgotten about  Naraku? Have you forgotten Master Jaken? Have you forgotten…” Rin faltered “Have you forgotten Rin?” She looked close to tears now.
“Rin… I am afraid I have”
“But you promised not to!” Her eyes were wide, once again shining, this time from sadness. “You promised you wouldn’t forget me, even after I died… I asked you, you said it was a foolish thing…”
“Have you died, little one?” he breathed. How did I endure her death, if she had died? Is this why my memory is so clouded? Is this the reason of the pain? Having lost… Rin?
She nodded. “You promised not to forget me, I promised something else in return. I promised I would stay with you forever. Forever with Sesshoumaru-sama”
“Forever… Rin, when?”
“When you saved me from those monks… those monks who wanted to bring me in their human village… And you said: ‘Rin. Do as you wish’. You always gave me a choice… and I always chose you, Lord Sesshoumaru”
The youkai turned towards the little girl, staring her fully in the face. She gave him a watery smile. He kept staring, searching for answers, answers that were hidden in his mind, behind some kind of dark veil only waiting to be lifted. “Rin…” he murmured. “You came back to me… Why?”
“Because… Sesshoumaru-sama is all Rin has. My savior, my hero, my Lord… Rin is fine with you”
“Fine… with me” Sesshoumaru repeated. “I… see” And, it was all seeming to become clearer. It made sense, somehow.
Little Rin shifted position under his gaze, moving to sit into his lap, with her back against his chest. She sighed. “Sesshoumaru-sama… don’t you recognize where we are? This is where Rin found you… This is where you revived Rin with the Tenseiga”
Sesshoumaru’s eyes widened.
The scent of blood, changing his path… a corpse on the ground, horribly battered, small and pitiful… the ghost of a child’s laughter flashing through his mind… rage towards the disgusting wolves who had hurt her… drawing his sword, wanting to change her destiny… seeing those minion fools for the first time… slashing them… a heartbeat… a pair of chocolate brown eyes, staring at him with wonder and trust.
“Rin” he whispered “I… remember”
An uncontrollable flood of memories filled his mind and he swayed, losing himself to the past.


***


He had left her to a human village, under the care of a miko. She had cried. He had hated himself for that. He visited her regularly, every month, until she became old enough to choose. And, she came back. She chose him over the humans, and that filled him with pride. Jaken had died in a fight, thus Sesshoumaru had been alone.
He had been surprised by just how much that loss had touched him…
Rin was the most precious thing he had, and now the only. He wanted her to stay with him forever. So, he had asked her to be his mate and wife. She had said yes. They had been happy, for a year or so.
Then, a war came, and he collected all his alleys to battle. There were his mother, Inuyasha and Kagome too, they had fought alongside with him.
He had thought it would have been safer for Rin to stay at the castle, because she was pregnant. He couldn’t take her into the battle field, his enemies would have tried to use her to defeat him. He had thought it was for the best, leaving her there.
But, when he came back, winner once more, she had been on the verge of death, and nobody seemed to be able to tell him why.


***Flashback***


She lays in bed, exhausted. She barely opens her eyes when he approaches her, horror-struck. She is pale as death, her skin looking thin and frail. A trail of blood is leaking from her nails. The youkai sniffs the air. She scents of poison. A poison he’s never seen before, he doesn’t know what the antidote is. His hand flickers immediately to the hilt of the Tenseiga, and he finds that he… cannot save her. Just like with Kagura, the sword remains silent and still, and he is lost.
“Sesshoumaru” she breathes “You’re back” She waves weakly, scarcely moving her hand at all, but she manages to give him one of those huge, sweet smiles of hers.
“Rin. Who did this to you?” he has to know. He is going to destroy whomever has taken her from him… from life. For she is going to die, he can see and smell and sense it. An excruciating pain is slowly building in his chest, burning everything it reaches.
“No… idea… sorry…” her voice is just a whisper, easily lost. He comes closer, takes her bloody, freezing hand. “Sesshou…maru” she pants, her chest heaving painfully “Please… bring me… out… I want… to see the sun once more…”
He picks her up in his arms, overly careful, and carries her to the garden, kneeling down with her placed in his lap. She opens her eyes, looks at the sky.
“So… beautiful” Rin says.
“Don’t leave me, Rin” pleads Sesshoumaru. The pain and hurt and desperation in his voice are clear. Her hand comes up to cup his cheek.
“I’m sorry… that I can’t follow… anymore. I… promised…” A tear is sliding slowly down her face. “Sesshoumaru… after I die… please don’t forget me” She repeats the request she’s made when she was naught but a child.
“I could never forget you, Rin, my love” This time, he answers more plainly.
“And… will you wait for me? Forever?”
He nods.
“Rin…” He brings her closer, presses his face into her shoulder. “I promised you forever. I shouldn’t have left you”
“It’s not… your fault” She strokes his hair. They fall silent for a while. He listens to her ragged breath, to her heart beating slower and slower. He fills his lungs with her sweet scent, before it can become that of death.
“Sesshoumaru… will you… remember something for me?” she asks. He waits, struggling to stay focused on her and ignore the pain. “Always remember… that Rin loves you” she murmurs.
“Don’t leave…” he pleads once more, “Don’t leave me, Rin…”
Her whole body has gone cold. The hand stroking his hair stops and falls on her stomach. She is ashen. “I… love… you” she repeats. “I’m… sorry… to leave you… alone”
“Rin… stay with me, Rin, I love you too, please…” he watches helplessly as her eyes drift slowly to a close, a small smile playing on her face. “Rin…? Rin! Please, Rin, don’t go! Don’t…” he chokes on his words. Her heart slows down, stills. Her last breath slips through her white lips.
“Rin!”
He stares down at her dead body, willing her to wake up once more. He cradles her in his arms, brings her close to his chest. He doesn’t want to let her go. He cannot. She has been the whole center of his life for so long.
Sesshoumaru has never wanted to die. He has never come to the point where he would say, Ok, I’ve had enough, never. There was always some reason to go on. He always had something to pursuit. Firstly, it had been his father’s praise, his father’s pride. Then, when he had died, it had been power. A flimsy motivation, that of becoming the most potent youkai in the world, but it had been enough. He had clung to his quest for supremacy, just to have a purpose. Then, Rin came. And quickly proved to be what he really needed. And now she is gone. She has left him. Forever. And, Sesshoumaru wants to die with her. She has always followed him, now it is time for him to follow her. He has lost her, once more, he has not been able to protect her, it’s all his fault…
She is just like those flowers she liked to gift him with, beautiful and ephemeral, incredibly sweet and fragile, and terribly short-lived.
“I want to die… Rin…” The pain borders madness by now. He can feel tears sliding softly down his cheeks. Crying is the ultimate form of humiliation for youkais, but he has never cared. He has just lost his flower, his love, his reason to live…  he is struggling to even breathe now, his mind is swimming with sorrow and guilt and hurt. His heart is beating, and he hates that. He hates the fact that he’s still alive, while his Rin is not.
He cannot live without her anymore, because he has bound his soul with hers, forever. “Rin…” She does not move. It’s exactly like the Underworld. She is not going to wake up this time, though, that much he understands. He’s alone once more. “Rin!” he calls, but no one answers. Through the daze of his endless pain, he is forced to accept the truth that his Rin is gone, and is never coming back.
Sesshoumaru lets out a howl of pain, of rage, of loss, of desperation, of madness.


***End flashback***


The pain had truly been something unendurable. He remembered perfectly, as clear as if it had been yesterday. He had sat there for days, unmoving, holding her as if she were sleeping.
He kept seeing a child wearing a checkered kimono skimming happily around him, holding a few, very colorful flowers. Sometimes the delusion neared him enough for him to reach out a hand and touch her –if only she had been there.
Eventually Inuyasha had managed to have him get up from the garden, bury Rin. The pain didn’t waver, though. It was his constant companion day and night, following him everywhere. He couldn’t help but blame himself for her death. He hadn’t been able to watch over her. He hadn’t been able to protect her. So, he suffered. Every minute was like a century. He wasn’t alone, not exactly. Inuyasha and Kagome were often there with him, but it wasn’t enough. His mind had even come up with a sort of illusionary Rin that he had followed for years, but that had always been out of his reach.
Sesshoumaru was now feeling every ounce of that pain, only a thought running through his mind: I let her die. It filled his head, growing bigger and bigger as the seconds ticked by.
Little Rin looked up at him from where she sat in his lap. He met her wide chocolate eyes, and the pain melted. “Rin…” he grabbed her shoulder, turned her towards him and hugged her as tight as he could without hurting her. “I remember” he repeated. “My Rin… thank you for coming back” He nuzzled into her hair, listening to her breathing, to her steady heartbeat. She was alive, she was there, with him.
She smiled, “Thank you for not forgetting me” she answered.
“Never. I will never forget you again”
“Sesshoumaru-sama…” Rin whispered after a short while, “What happened to Jaken?”
“He died” Sesshoumaru quieted, not wanting to explain further. And so did you… he thought. His heart clenched, sputtering, then doubled its pacing, the pain of his loss still real and overwhelming. He pulled her closer, burying his face in her sweet smelling hair, and he felt warm and whole once again. How he had missed her…
Suddenly, the youkai got a whiff of tears. His little girl scented of sadness and sorrow. Slowly, he pulled away a bit, enough to look in her face comfortably. She was crying silently. Of course she wouldn’t remember Jaken’s death. She was so young. His heart tightened again at seeing her grief. Without thinking about it the slightest bit, he leaned down and kissed her cheek softly, meaning to soothe her and calm her. He had never done so before, when she was a child in the Sengoku Era, he had always been so cold and distant. But now he was broken.
“Let’s go, little one” he murmured as she stared at him in awe, the tears drying from her pale skin. She nodded, holding on tightly on his neck. He walked away from that sorrowful place.


***


Sesshoumaru was running through the thick forest, uncaring of the small branches scoring his skin or the leaves sticking in his hair. His right hand was on the hilt of Bakusaiga, his left conjuring the poisonous whip to clear his way. His eyes were wide, and he strained his ears to capture every sound, every nonexistent murmur of the wind. He moved his feet as fast as he could, randomly roaming the woods.
He had to find her! He grew more and more desperate with each second passing by. Finally, he caught her sweet scent. It was distant, but at least he knew were to go. It seemed as if he couldn’t run quickly enough, even if the trees around him were blurred from the speed. Pushing a few twigs out of his way, he entered a meadow. And there she was, lying in the grass, broken and unmoving. Rin. Blood was leaking from her nails, her skin looked thin and frail, her cheeks were hollow. Nonetheless, she presented him a soul haunting smile, her chocolate eyes sad, tearful. Her mouth opened as if to speak, but no sound came out. He kneeled next to her, pulling her close to his chest. She scented of death. Her warm eyes landed on his face, and Rin gave him an accusing stare. It’s all your fault…
Her body disappeared from between his arms, and suddenly darkness surrounded him. The typical smells of the forest were gone, replaced by the rotten stench of carcasses. The youkai watched in horror as Rin’s dead corpse walked slowly towards him, a pleading look on her face. She was covered in bruises, much like the day they met. Her arms stretched, trying to reach him.
He moved as if to touch her, but his hand went right through her head: she was unsubstantial. Help me, help me, she seemed to beg. He drew his Tenseiga, hung it above her, called its power. The sword shone for a few moments, then its light dimmed and faded.
“I cannot save you, Rin. I’m sorry” he said.
Her stare broke his heart in two. She was… disappointed. He had failed her. Rin fell on the ground, unmoving. Immediately, the guardian of the underworld grabbed her, beginning to feed of her flesh. The youkai roared, throwing himself between them, but she was already gone.
“RIN!”
“RIN!” Sesshoumaru jumped sitting on the bed, snarling, his eyes red and his fangs elongated. He was in his room. Good, it wasn’t even midnight and he was already having nightmares. That one, he remembered, wasn’t even new, it had been a constant since his mate had died. It still terrified him like the first time, though. He looked around himself wildly. Rin, who had been sleeping next to him, curled up into mokomoko, turned towards him sleepily.
“Sesshoumaru-sama? What’s wrong?”
He stared at her with wide, sorrowful eyes, images from the dream running through his mind, covering in part those of the present. Suddenly, his little girl was covered in bruises, and blood was leaking from her nails… her skin was pale as death, and she glared at him accusingly, pointing… her pajamas were dirty and torn, her hair tangled, her small frame quivering…
Sesshoumaru snapped his eyelids shut, slapped both of his hands against his face, attempting to clear his head, trying not to see. His chest was heaving, his shoulders trembling, his teeth clenched. Rin crawled into his lap, pushing mokomoko away, and considered him for a while. He didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge her, didn’t look at her. She sighed. Then she reached up and put her own hands on his long fingers, struggling to pull them away from his face.
“Rin…” Sesshoumaru’s voice was shaking. He blinked twice, grabbed her and pressed her tight against his chest. “You’re safe” This time, it was meant to reassure himself, not her. “You’re alive…” he whispered, burying his nose in her raven hair, smelling her very much healthy, sweet scent.
“This is my fault” she stated calmly.
He raised his gaze, “What?” he asked uncomprehendingly. “It is not. It is I who let you die”
She shook her head, “I shouldn’t have made you remember. I knew it was going to hurt you, Kagome had already told me… but I-I… I did, anyways”
“Rin, little one… I am glad I remembered. The pain was there, it has always been… so don’t worry. Besides, I had already started to recall things, and I would have found out eventually. And though it hurts me a lot… I’m better off this way. We’re better off this way”
She still didn’t look convinced. She was frowning, a torn and guilty expression on her sweet face. “I still think I have been wrong, coming to you so soon. Maybe I should go” she murmured, staring at her hands.
Sesshoumaru gasped, feeling suddenly cold inside. The pain broke loose, threatening to overcome him. “Don’t” he breathed, with hardly any voice. “Don’t ever leave me again”
The youkai paused, making up his mind. Five centuries ago, he would have died rather than say something like that aloud. Five centuries ago, he would have killed whomever had tried to assume such a thing. Five centuries ago, he reasoned, I hadn’t been to hell and back.
“I need you” he stated. Strange enough, he didn’t feel even the littlest amount of shame.
Rin looked into his unbearably sad, warm and loving amber eyes; she could see right through him, directly into his wounded heart. His hands were clasped around hers, holding her like you would a lifeline. The little girl, always so wise, so grown for her age, was on the verge of tears. He was waiting for an answer, and she gave him the only one that came up to her mind at the moment. She threw her arms around his neck, nuzzling in the hollow of his shoulder. “Never” she vowed. “I’m sorry, Sesshoumaru-sama”
She fell asleep soon enough, cradled in the safety of his embrace, and he watched over her repose for the rest of the night.


***


After gaining back his memories, Sesshoumaru became a bit overprotective on the little girl. He never let her out of eye range, and always kept a close watch on her. She didn’t seem to mind such attentions, thankfully. He brought her at work, and had quickly arranged that she should study with him as private for the rest of the year, and then start school on the following September. He taught her how to read and write properly in Hiragana, and introduced the basic subjects such as history, maths and science. Rin liked studying with Sesshoumaru-sama, but what she liked most were the stories he told her every evening. He talked about the Sengoku Era, of when he was a Lord, of his father’s epic feats. Every night, there was a different story.
Soon they fell into a routine that quickly became familiar. In the morning, she would have breakfast, pack her lunch and get ready, then they would go to his office, where they stayed until noon. After work, they remained home, or went to the park, or the beach.
“Rin” called Sesshoumaru once, a few months later.
“Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?” She poked her head out of the kitchen door where she had been making lunch.
“I’m having… a business lunch today” he informed her, grimacing.
Rin looked up at him, thinking quickly. “May I come?” she offered, turning down the fire and picking up some bread for sandwiches.
“You would? It is quite boresome, you know”
“Don’t worry, Sesshoumaru-sama… I will make you lunch!” she said with a rather mischievous look.
“Very well, then” The youkai didn’t even pause to puzzle over her words, simply accepting them as ‘Rin’s stuff’. After all, in the Sengoku Era, she used to make him flower crowns. Lunch was far, far better.
He waited for her to be ready, sandwiches and all, and they went out. They started to walk on the sidewalk, nearing the building, but he stopped abruptly after a few steps. The great inu Lord raised his head, sniffing carefully. Rin looked up at him, worried.
“Sesshoumaru-sama? What’s wrong?” she whispered, instinctively moving to hide behind his leg. He picked her up in his arms, baring his human teeth ever so slightly.
“I smell demons” he answered after a while. What he didn’t say, though, was that they were the same ones that had attacked her that day at the beach. He felt an unforeseen need to track them down and slaughter them, but he controlled it. “We will go by car today” he decided, not wanting to fight in front of her.
The driver opened the door, shaking slightly. Sesshoumaru paid him no notice, but Rin smiled and waved from her place on his shoulder, calming the human down a bit. After all, if she, a child, wasn’t scared, then what was there to fear? The youkai made sure to rectify such illusory thought with a cold glare that had him freezing on his seat. Then he settled comfortably with the girl placed safely on his lap.
There was no need for seatbelts, he had his arms wrapped securely around her tiny frame, and didn’t let her move more than an inch. Somehow, she managed to fall asleep on the brief journey to the office, and so he brought her inside, careful of not waking her.
His colleagues didn’t show any surprise at seeing him come with the tiny girl in his arms, since they had met her more than a month before. For them, she was Kagome’s little cousin, of whom he was taking care because she had been recently orphaned, and neither his brother nor his fiancée were fit to raise a child. She woke up abruptly when he sat among them, and looked around herself somewhat dazedly. As one of his colleagues started to serve bread and brought their drinks, Sesshoumaru sighed, dreading the time when he would have to choose something to actually eat.
They all began to chatter loudly, but the youkai stayed silent, feeling completely out of place, as usual. Rin played absentmindedly with a lock of his hair, making up a plan to save him from the human food.
As soon as they brought the main course and filled Sesshoumaru’s plate, the girl’s face screwed up in an outraged expression.
“But, Sesshoumaru-sama, Rin made you lunch today!” she exclaimed in a shrill voice, doing her best to sound like a spoiled, whimpering child. Everybody turned to stare.
The youkai looked down at her, startled by her strange behavior. Her eyes shone at him, with a playful, mischievous light about them that widely contrasted with her words and attitude.
Play along.
Tears started to fall across her cheeks, and she closed her hands to form little fists. “Rin made you lunch today, Sesshoumaru-sama!” she squeaked.
“Did you, Rin?” he sighed, as if exasperated.
“Yes!” she cried “Rin wants to have lunch with Sesshoumaru-sama!”
All his colleagues gave him strange, sympathetic looks.
“But you are having lunch with me, Rin” he pointed out.
“No! Rin wants to have lunch only with Sesshoumaru-sama! Rin is afraid of those strangers…” she ended her line with a small sob and a slight shake.
The youkai’s eyes widened. Now that was stretching it at its limit. How could she be afraid of them, and not of him? In fact, they were all gaping openly at her.
“What’s wrong with the little girl?” whispered one of them.
“Her parents were killed by strangers in front of her” he quickly answered. It wasn’t too far off the truth, not at all. She had been orphaned by brigands, in her past life.
“I see… Well, maybe it will be better to indulge her, then” suggested the human, giving her a look of pity.
Sesshoumaru was slightly angered. How dare he suggest him something?
“Please, Sesshoumaru-sama, please…” Rin whimpered, grabbing his arm and jumping out of his lap. She then proceeded to try and make him stand. Of course, she couldn’t move him an inch.
“Rin” he said, his voice firm “You are being ridiculous”
“But it’s unfair! Rin made you lunch! Sesshoumaru-sama is being mean!” she wailed, her face reddening up progressively.
Sesshoumaru made a face. He knew humans were more comfortable with making faces. It brought him to their level.
“Excuse me, gentlemen, it seems I have to eat Rin’s… lunch” His voice was stoic.
Rin looked up at him with wide, imploring eyes. “Please, Sesshoumaru-sama… Rin doesn’t want to eat in front of them! What if they hurt us?”
“But she knows us…” objected one of them, puzzled.
“Sometimes she gets like… this” he explained in a loud whisper.
“Please, Sesshoumaru-sama?” her eyes shone again with tears.
“Very well, then” He stood, picked her up in his arms and walked away. “Excuse me” he said again, before entering his office and closing the door.
Rin wiped away her fake tears and beamed up at him, chuckling.
“Well, I have to say, Rin, I rather enjoyed myself” He sat in his chair pulling her up in his lap. “Thank you” he added.
She nodded happily and started to unwrap her lunch. “Do you want some?” she offered.
He stared down at her with a disbelieving expression. She laughed at him, and he quirked an eyebrow. Had it been anybody else, he would have killed them. With her, it was oddly familiar and comforting. Having someone close enough to make fun of you… He was oh-so-terribly grateful for his little, trusting girl.



***


Rin was not a spoiled girl, though it may appear so from the outside. Of course, Sesshoumaru could deny her nothing, but it was strangely her who drew lines as to what she could and couldn’t do, ask, have. She was very mature for her age, and her memories of when they traveled together in the Sengoku Era helped her judgment widely.
Upon gaining such memories back at the age of seven, she had started to travel across the city to find him, and whenever she pictured him –quite often-, he was always the proud and distant youkai who constantly went against his own words to protect her. She hadn’t thought about the many centuries he had spent completely alone, all by himself, and how much he may have changed during that time. And so she behaved as if he were still the same, and was very careful of being unintruding, loving and cheerful. Obviously by now she had seen how different he was, how much more open –and fragile, too, though he would never admit so- he had become. However, she still wasn’t getting used to having each one of her few wishes instantly fulfilled. And, also, he sometimes got her little gifts.
Once, he gave her a box of crayons, and she spent weeks drawing, and doing little else.
“Sesshoumaru-sama? Can I draw a picture of you?” she asked one day.
He cocked his head to the side, curious. “You may” he agreed, causing her usual smile to grow exponentially until it filled half of her face.
She quickly motioned for him to sit down cross-legged next to the sofa from where he had been watching the uninteresting news. She then placed herself to the side, picked up the black pencil and started to draw. He watched her, amused, as she covered her hands and forearms in color. She really was endearing. Rin raised her head, and their eyes met.
“Sesshoumaru-sama? Could you be youkai for me?”
He nodded, and removed the necklace that bound him to his human form. Immediately, all his demonic traits appeared, and mokomoko sprouted from his shoulder, its furry end falling precisely on top of Rin’s black head. She chuckled and pushed it away so she could see.
When she was done, she showed him the picture, blushing slightly. He examined it carefully. She was good. Very good for her age.
“It’s beautiful” he complimented.
“Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama” She hugged him happily, leaving him a little surprised, but pleased nonetheless. He put the picture down, on the floor, and lightly patted her back. She pulled away a bit to look him in the eyes.
“Sesshoumaru-sama?” she said, her voice unexpectedly serious.
“Yes, Rin?”
“Are you happy?”
His eyes widened from the sudden question, and he stared at her, bewildered. He thought about his answer. He had always known happiness to be something just out of his reach. He never paused to ask himself why. And now he realized, holding the girl in his arms, he was happy. For the first time in five hundred years, he was happy.
“Yes. Yes, I am, Rin” he murmured “And it is thanks to you”


***


“Come, Sesshoumaru-sama, quickly!”
As soon as he lay a foot on the doorstep, Rin grabbed his hand and started to drag him inside. That particular day, she had asked to stay home while he went to work, and, of course, he had let her do as she pleased. The morning had been exceedingly slow and boring without her, so he’d hurried home.
“Rin. Is something the matter?” he inquired, worried. She shook her head vigorously, all the while trying to get him to move.
“Come on, Sesshoumaru-sama!” she said, somewhat impatient. He decided to play along and indulge her, and fell into step behind her. She led him into the kitchen.
“Close your eyes” she instructed. He complied. Instantly, his earing and sense of smell sharpened, to compensate with the lack of eyesight. He heard her walk softly around the room, then a rustle came from somewhere to his left. He turned slightly and caught a whiff of paper and crayons, mixed with her sweet scent. There was a sliver of anxiety, and he wondered what could possibly bother her. She then moved to stand in front of him, and took his hand, placing something warm and thin on his palm. He closed his fingers carefully, preventing it from falling on the floor. It was a sheet.
“Don’t look yet!” Rin warned, once again skimming away from him. He was growing impatient, and shifted his weight slightly from foot to foot. He could almost hear her smile widely at his irritation, and snorted softly.
“Now you can open your eyes, Sesshoumaru-sama!” she announced, her angel’s voice exited.
He looked around himself, startled. Somehow, she had managed to stuff paper flowers everywhere in the room. They were white, golden and orange, and covered the table, the counter, the furniture…
There were also some butterflies, scattered around along with a few snowflakes. He looked down at the thing he was holding. It was an envelope. She had written ‘For Sesshoumaru-sama’ on the front, in her wide, childish writing. Rin was still standing silently in front of him, a shy expression on her pale face. When she met his very confused eyes, she smiled.
“Happy birthday, Sesshoumaru-sama!” she chanted. His mouth fell agape with a small popping sound. “Inuyasha told me…” she explained, “He also told me you never cared about this stuff, but still, I thought… it would have been nice” She gestured towards the envelope he was holding. “Why don’t you open your present, then?”
Still very stunned, Sesshoumaru sat on a chair, pulling the girl up in his lap, and did as he was told. Inside the envelope was a folded sheet. He opened it slowly, carefully, with Rin staring up at him anxiously. It a was picture. A picture of them. She had drawn it herself, that was clear. No one else knew what his humanoid form was like, after all.
In the picture, he stood on the edge of a precipice, gazing at the stars above with an unreadable expression. His hair shone silver and his golden eyes were unfathomable. He was wearing his armor. Right next to him was Rin. She had her checkered kimono on, and smiled happily as she looked at a falling star, her hands above her heart. She was making a wish. Behind the two of them, Ah Uhn was settled in the grass, dozing, with Jaken sat between its paws, his Ninto staff held up as high as possible.
“It is… a wonderful present, Rin. Thank you” Sesshoumaru murmured, moved.
“This is one of my favorite memories of you. The very first I remembered” she said, looking down at the picture, “But what happened to Ah Uhn?”
“I don’t know. We left him with Inuyasha and Kagome, to protect their village, but one day… He took off to the skies and never returned”
“Oh” Rin thought about it for a moment.
“What did you wish for, Rin?” he asked after a while, pointing at her crossed hands in the drawing.
“I wished to stay with you forever” she answered immediately, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Rin smiled at seeing his amazed expression. “What else was there to wish for?” She clearly meant it as a rhetorical question.
He pulled her close, then glanced at the clock. It was already six in the afternoon. “So, what story would you like to hear today?”
She put one finger to her chin, thinking. “Your story!”
“Very well, then. But it is a very long and, may I add, depressing one”
“Then… tell me something you like about your childhood” she offered.
He deliberated for a while, roaming through his own memories, in search for a happy one. Something he liked about his childhood… here was a stretch. He had spent both infancy and youth being tormented by his mother, trying –and failing miserably- to gain his father’s attentions, and scaring others with the simple act of walking. He really didn’t like anything about that hurtful, lonely time.
“I suppose, Rin, the only thing I like about my childhood… is it being over” he finally answered. She looked saddened. “What about you, Rin? What do you like most?” he asked as a distraction.
Her whole face lit up, and she smiled wide. She pretended to be thinking hard about it, but then said, loudly and surely: “Sesshoumaru-sama!”


***


Rin had a cold. Sesshoumaru was completely at a loss on what to do, and could only stare at her flushed face with anguish.
She coughed, wrapping her arms around her chest, and sunk down on the floor as if she could not bear standing anytime longer. Her small shoulders shook, and the tiny little girl curled up against the wall. The youkai scooped her up in one quick motion, pulling her close, then walked to his room. She now had a small bed there, and a closet, too. Her sheets were light green, she had chosen them on her own. He set her comfortably under a blanket, and kneeled down by her side. Gently, he pressed his large palm against her cheek. Her skin was flushed, sticky, she was sweating profusely, and her breath was somewhat labored, and way hotter than usual. She had a fever. Rin gave him a pained look, then placed her small, clammy hand on his slightly paler, slightly cooler one.
“Sesshoumaru-sama…” she choked out  “It hurts. Please, make the pain go away” she was pleading, with a small, pitiful voice, and he had absolutely no idea what to do. He looked down at her sadly.
“What can I do for you, Rin?” he asked, concern filling his tone, making it even softer. He stroked her damp hair lightly, trying to soothe her. To his enormous surprise, her eyes drifted closed, and sleep overcame her. It was not peaceful. The youkai watched her for a few more minutes, thinking hard. Then, suddenly, something came to his mind. Of course! It was obvious. He was going to ask Kagome for help. As much as he hated showing his incapacity to care for the girl, he was going to ask, for her sake.
He found his mobile, and quickly roamed through his list of numbers until he found that of the miko. He waited impatiently for her to answer. It was late in the night, and she was probably asleep, too. Just about when he was going to hang up and surrender, he heard a voice on the other side of the line.
“Sesshoumaru?” mumbled Kagome groggily “Is it morning already?”
“Rin has a fever” he informed her shortly, ignoring her very much absurd question. He offered no apology for waking her up at so late an hour, because he simply felt there was no need to: Rin’s health always came first.
“What did you give her?” Kagome inquired worriedly.
“I gave her nothing wrong” he muttered, outraged. “What do I do to make her feel better?” His voice took on a desperate tone.
“Go to…” she yawned “…The chemist’s. Tell them her age, symptoms, and ask them what medicine she needs…”
“Very well” he nodded to himself “Thank you” he added, in earnest this time.
She didn’t reply, and he heard a faint rustle, then a shriek: “INUYASHA!” Not wanting to meddle in their fight, he hung up.
He paced silently to Rin’s bed, kneeled down and leaned towards her to whisper softly in her ear. “Rin. I’m going to the chemist’s to buy some medicines. I will be back soon”
Her eyes opened slightly “Yes… Sesshoumaru… sama… I will wait” Her voice was a bit strained.
The streets were empty, that late in the night. Sesshoumaru walked quickly, his pace an almost run, to the nearest chemist’s, just behind the corner, only to discover it was closed. Damn.  He was going to have to leave the district. He roamed the roads in search for an open drugstore, going farther and farther away. As the minutes ticked by he became more and more impatient, and worried. Little Rin was alone, ill, unprotected. He shivered. Finally, he found a small, pitiful pharmacy, where a terrified shop assistant with a tremulous voice gave him the medicines he –she- needed.  
He hurried back home, his purchase tucked safely in a pocket of his coat. He realized something was amiss when he caught the scent of demons on the threshold, mixed with… Inuyasha’s? It was still fresh. He threw his door open, growling. Inside was a mess of shattered glass and torn fabric.
“Rin” he called. “Rin!” Of course, he got no answer. He ran to his room, only to find it was empty. Rin was gone. Tucked on her small bed was… Inuyasha’s firerat kimono, the one that had once belonged to his father. On top, stood a note, written on a special paper coming right from the Sengoku Era.